birthday

friday i will be 45. i got a birthday card from my mom today. i wonder if she signed it before she got so sick or if my dad got her to sign it. it was in her handwriting. this will be the last birthday that she will be here for; well, here in a sense of the word. i wish that i could call her and talk to her. i will see her on sunday and tell her of all the fun i had and of all the lovely friends in my life. i never knew if my mom was proud of me when i was young. i always felt "less than". i know that she is now. she probably was then but she is the type of person who is not overly affectionate or overly verbal when expressing feelings. she is quite reserved. however, there is the zany side of my mom that she has bestowed upon me. she is the one who taught me to thrift shop and to make "do" with what you have. she is the most amazing cook who believed that a ton of butter always made something taste much better. she loved to shop. if the rapture were to happen any time soon she could feed the entire city of montgomery on rotels, cambells soup (in several varieties) chicken a la king (daddy's fave) and various types of cookies. you could go into my parent's home and open any drawer in the house and there would be at least 3 items. 1. a bag of either lemon drops or werther's butterscotch 2. a brush3. make-up of some type. along with these items would be lip balm, gum, jewelry, nail files and rolls of coins. i don't know why she bought so much of the same thing. i don't buy any lotions or such any more because i can just go home and shop at the drug store of norma jean. if you took all of her lotions and put them together you could fill a bathtub. i love these things about her. these crazy idiosyncracies. she is a funny, eccentric, strong woman. she raised 4 kids and was an air force wife and moved as from all over. alaska to florida. took care of us when my dad was in viet nam. she drove, while 8 months pregnant with a station wagon full of kids and a dog from ft. walton beach fla. to andalusia to get out of hurricane camille's path. she held it together. she is still holding on. i want her to know that she doesn't have to any more.