alike

my mom drives me crazy. it is true. she has the ability to get "under my skin" like no one's business and she passed that on to me. i work on that every day. however, it is part of who i am. i live the closest to my parents so i visit often. i would go to montgomery at least once a month and stay the weekend; just to re-connect. it made my mom happy to have someone to dote on and talk to. she had my dad but i think it is different when your child is around. i am a kid again when i around my mom. i had been sick for the passed week and realized that i used to call my mom because i knew that she would worry and say all the comforting words and that she would want me to get some rest. dear, sweet friends took care of me that week but there is just something about a momma. now, it is me who is fretting, and comforting her and my father. i go into her room and notice that she is slumped over to one side because of the tumor along her spine and she is asleep and when i see her it is as if she is not real, a facade of sorts. i get closer and bend down and say "hey momma" and she opens her eyes and out comes a feeble "hi darlin". it is heartbreaking. she smiles. she never complains and if she does it is only because we are "messing with her" too much. mostly she just wants to sleep. i slowly slide the little white turban that is covering her bald head and gently rub lotion on her scalp which feels like sandpaper because of the hair trying to grow there. then, i take her hands out from under her covers and massage lotion into her knarled, veiny, beautiful hands. my mom had the most gorgeous, strong nails. they used to untie a knot in old sneakers, remove splinters and pinch us when we were misbehaving. now, they are broken off, brittle and dis-colored from all the chemo. she likes it when i hold her hand and i do too. i sit there, while she dozes off and watch some bad television while tears are streaming down my face. every now and then i kiss her hand and then i lean back in that uncomfortable nursing home chair and close my eyes. i have been video taping my visits with her because i want to have a tangible memory. i want to remember her in her last moments. i know, to some, that may sound morbid but not to me. she knows i am doing it. what a gift to be present as someone you love is making their journey out of this life, their life. i will never forget it. i will always cherish this time and i will honor it in the way that i best now how.