to the bone

my mom has been dead for over three weeks. it is still really odd. i keep feeling as though i forgot something; or that i have misplaced something. that unsettling feeling one gets when they have left home and fear that the coffee pot or iron may still be on. it is that "mmm..something is not quite right" feeling. i am having it all the time. busy, as usual, but different. i am tired to the bone, exhausted beyond belief. i truly could sleep for months. is this how performers feel when they are hospitalized for exhaustion? i wonder. so.....motherless. i ran in the race for the cure on a very dreary, rainy saturday. i had a bone fragment of my mom in my pocket, her name on my back under the statement, "in memory of." last year her name was under the statement, "in celebration of." things can change so drastically in a year. so, i ran, in her honor with so many other runners who ran in honor of those they have loved and lost and those still fighting. downtown was a sea of pink. i thought i would fall apart but i didn't. it was a good day. now i am preparing my altar for my mother for dia de los muertos at bare hands art gallery. i think that that may be a bit more emotional for me. i must honor her in the way that is symbolic to who she was. i miss my mother terribly. i pass her image often when i walk through my house. she is all over the computer. i walk by and say "hi mom."