clean slate

i wish i truly could take a slate which had all the pain and sadness and fear from the present and past and wipe it clean. literally take a cloth and wipe it clean and have no remnants there. have a "clean slate" to fill with happiness and joy and love and good memories. however, i spose one must have a slate full of disappointments in order to start with a clean slate. i am dealing with so much baggage which is flooding in right now. it is a torrent of muck and debris from my past just moving me through my day, from one task to the other. the only emotion i am feeling of late is sadness and intense anxiety and fear. i am embracing these emotions because i have no choice not to. i am dealing with such information about me that i am finding out about daily. information about my mom which was passed on to me. trying to wholly and completely love myself warts and all. why is it that i can so wholly love another so completely yet i cannot seem to do so with myself? it is maddening and something i wish to change very much. i hope that my new slate is filled with good stories about me and all that i am and all that i have become and will become. i hope that slate is full of laughter and smiles and love. love should be enough to fill that slate so that the baggage falls to the floor...finally, sweet alley, let that baggage fall!